A vent...

Logan's due date was April 22nd, 2010. That has come and gone. My little man has decided he is not on our schedule and decided not to show up. This is okay with me. In fact, I expected this, considering they had to force Bailey out of me too. Apparently my uterus is a comfy place for my children. A few weeks ago when the doctor told me I was dilated to 2 and 1/2 centimeters (that's 1 and 1/2 more centimeters than I ever dilated by myself with Bailey!!), I was so shocked, and admittedly scared. Who knew the thought of going into labor on your own could be so scary??While I am excited to see my little Logan face to face (I can't saw excited to meet him...because I already know him better than anyone), I can't say I was disappointed by the fact that his due date came and went much like any other day. I am enjoying EVERY SINGLE second that I can with just my little Bailey girl. Making sure she knows just how much I love her. Reading her her favorite stories for the millionth time. Building the blocks up high so she can come up with her contagious, mischievous grin and knock them down. Giving her more cuddles, hugs and kisses than she knows what to do with (or for that matter, wants). It's incredible to me how you can love someone so much. I am dreading going to the hospital to have Logan, because of the labor, yes...but for a much bigger "heart" reason this time! I have never been away from Bailey that long. I have left her over night. I have left her most of the day. But I always got to see her. Our hospital has the following rules at this time: no one under 16 visiting (even siblings), and only the three people with me in the labor room are able to visit all the time (during visiting hours of course), and two additional visitors between 2pm and 6pm.All of this because of the H1N1 virus. This is ridiculous, in my opinion, because first of all...the "pandemic" wasn't nearly as bad as they made it sound...and secondly, I can't see my daughter, even though flue season is over, and she has already had her H1N1 shot?? I am so emotional about this. Maybe it's just me being a momma, or maybe it's because I am pregnant (and lets face it emotional), but I cry every time I think about not being able to see my little girl for two or more days. Not even an hour or two to soften the blow, to reassure her that I haven't abandoned her, to tell her that I love her. What makes all of this worse, is that I have heard the normal visiting polices go back into effect May 3rd. That is just 5 days after they have scheduled Logan to be forced out of me. I missed being able to have my daughter visit me in the hospital, snuggle her in the hospital bed next to me, as she meets her baby brother for the first time, by 5 days. I couldn't be more sad!!! And really, in my opinion (which I have learned obviously does NOT matter), what difference is 5 days going to make? Nobody really seems to understand how I feel while I am blubbering to them, either. They all reassure me it will be okay. That I am going to get out as soon as possible. But let me selfishly say...I am going to miss my daughter!! That is not okay! And, nothing is going to make it better, but seeing my daughter!!! So while not knowing when I could go into labor (to pretty much knowing I won't be going into labor by myself), was scary...now I feel as if my scheduled labor (this upcoming Wednesday, providing they don't have to many women who can go into labor on their own come in) is worse, because now I will have to get to the hospital at a certain time, and know that for sure I won't be seeing my baby girl for 24 hours or more. So sad. Okay, I realize that now I am just venting...but if you are one of the few people who do read my blog, do you think you could pray for me? I know I need it. I need peace about this whole thing. I need to trust the Lord. Maybe you could even pray that a miracle happens and Bailey will be able to come see me (praying for this...although this is unlikely, that even though normal visiting policies will be back to normal the next week, maybe they have reinstated that siblings can come visit this next week. Wishful thinking I know.). Thank you for your prayers!I am sure it does, but I hope this doesn't come across as a blog that says I am dreading my son being born because he will be intruding. I am VERY VERY excited to have little Logan here, making our family complete until the Lord sees fit to bless us again!! He is everything we have dreamed of, and the Lord has blessed us tremendously by allowing us to be Logan's family!!! This really is just a blog of me venting...and letting the world know I will be missing my little Angel while I am away from her. Although, I must also add, that even if she could come to the hospital, I know she wouldn't be there all day...and I am looking forward to lots and just Logan and Mommy time too! Anyways, next time you hear from me, I won't be part of a family of three, but of four. I won't be a mommy of one gorgeous girl, but of two gorgeous kids! I can't wait for Logan to be here!! I am so excited...but am enjoying every second of the precious little time I have left just the three of us. The evenings filled with my hubby and I relaxing together. The days filled with just Bailey and I playing together. Thanks for "listening." P.S. Here is a fun picture of my sweet little girl...shows her playful personality perfectly!! :D